I have been a single parent for 9 years and I will tell you up front, the dating scene is not at all like it was before marriage, kids, and divorce. Gone are the Friday nights where you spend from 5 o’clock until 9 o’clock getting ready and trying on dozens of outfits. Staying out all night is probably out of the question knowing that a babysitter needs to get paid and your children expect you to be in your bed when they wake up in the morning. Have no fear, it is o.k. to date again and there are men who don’t mind the fact that you have kids. Once you give yourself permission to go out and have a good time there are some interesting tips through my own experiences that I would like to pass on to you. “Take what you need and leave the rest,” as they say.
First, before you step out of the house make sure you are wearing clothing that makes you look and feel good and that you are comfortable in your clothes both when sitting down or standing up. It may mean spending 45 dollars on a good bra so your favorite blouse fits just right. If you expect to come home to your own bed that evening why not wear that huge pair of control top granny panties? They make that mommy’s tummy look trim and slim. Once your hair and makeup are finished the look in the mirror. Is your immediate response one of being pleased with how you look? There are many insecurities as a single parent when you go out and date again,
To minimize some of these insecurities dressing in comfortable undergarments and flattering attire will enhance your feelings of being physically attractive thus giving you confidence from the start. I don’t mean you have to look like one of those unrealistic glam girls plastered on magazines at every check out counter in every grocery store across America. I am saying that you know what clothing and underwear give you confidence about your body and the ones that you feel flatter your figure can give you confidence about your body. This is what I suggest you wear. Nothing projects sexiness more than something as simple as confidence. So don’t leave home without it.
Second, why not do something or go to a place that the both of you will enjoy? If you are a thrill seeker and insist on going to the local Trapeze School and he is deathly afraid of heights then chances are you may not have a second date. Perhaps you share the same taste in music or food. Then finding a place that is appetizing to the both of you will keep the conversation lively and no one will feel resentful or wish they spoke up earlier because they don’t like the food or the music the other person picked. It’s OK to tell your date that you can’t stomach fried squid even though it is his favorite food. A date is easier and goes more smoothly when you meet in an environment that is mutually satisfying. This automatically gives you a positive atmosphere that lends itself to feeling comfortable with your new or fairly new date. One less thing to worry about and it lets the real you shine on the date.
Finally, what is the right thing to do when the date is over, you had a great time and you definitely want to see this man again? Don’t sleep with him. Give him a kiss goodnight and part ways. As old-fashioned an out of sync with moderns times as I may sound, there is something deep-rooted in the wiring of a man that dates back to his caveman days. The hunt. Once the hunt is over then he moves on to the next challenge. I know my fellow liberated ladies, this does not sound very liberating but alas, it has been written as essays many times before me. On the other hand, if you are wanting immediate intimacy and are not looking for anything lasting or long term, then go for it and use birth control. One suggestion for those who are not on any ingestible or implanted birth control, either buy the condoms together or make sure you bring your own so that you know what the expiration date is on the package. I had an intimate night once where I found out the next day the dates on the prophylactics had expired.
Lastly, what to do when a date is clearly going down the tubes or you feel without a doubt you are wasting your time? There is a tried and true technique of great reliability that I recommend. It is known as “the call from home”. Go to the bathroom, text your babysitter or friend waiting on the other end to hear about your date, and tell them to call you in 4 minutes when you get back to the table. You will have to tell your date your kid got sick and you have to go. I know guys this is not fair to you. I apologize in advance, but all is fair in love and war.